


An Ugly Emotion

by Impossibly_Izzy



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Actually more than one tumblr prompt XD, Bisexual Amy Santiago, Bisexual Charles Boyle, Bisexual Jake Peralta, Bisexuality, Declarations Of Love, Episode Related, Episode S03 E15: The 9-8, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Jealousy, Kissing, M/M, based on a tumblr prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 20:37:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18213323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impossibly_Izzy/pseuds/Impossibly_Izzy
Summary: Once, their hands brushed as Jake handed Charles some paperwork, and Jake had laughed uncomfortably and adorably, not meeting Charles’ gaze. And maybe Charles was making things up again, but that didn’t seem like normal platonic friend behaviour. There it was again: hope. It was the best feeling, and the worst – the teasing possibility that Jake might have feelings for him too.Overall, things had been good. The last thing Charles needed was someone like Stevie swooping in and stealing his best friend.Edited June '19.





	An Ugly Emotion

**Author's Note:**

> Edited/expanded and re-uploaded as of 23/06/19. (I will not apologise for formatting that date in the English way!)  
> To be honest, this fic was originally a bit rushed, which meant that the pacing was whack. I wasn't happy with it, so I decided it was worth editing! All the good old stuff is still there, but there's some extra context at the beginning and some more cute stuff at the end. Enjoy!

Things started going badly the moment the Nine-Eight squad arrived.

‘I hate those Nine-Eight losers,’ Amy said, as everyone crowded the briefing room windows to watch them walk in. Charles was grateful that he and Jake were going to be out of the way soon, on a stakeout as part of a case they were working. It was going to be great – just him and Jake, doing what they did best.

‘Ugh, these guys are the worst,’ Jake said. And then, ‘Hey, Stevie Schillens!?’

This was not good. Jake disappeared from the briefing room, and by the time Charles and the rest of the squad followed him he was enthusiastically greeting a Nine-Eight guy in a plaid shirt.

‘Allow me to introduced Stevie ‘Chillens’ Schillens!’ Jake grinned. ‘He was my very first partner and one of the all-time greats.’

‘Takes one to know one, man,’ Stevie said, smiling all over Charles’ best friend.

‘I’m Charles,’ he said, quickly.

‘Uh oh,’ Gina said, behind him.

And then Stevie was coming on their stakeout with them. Great. Instead of having that time to hang out with Jake alone, Charles was stuck listening to Jake and Stevie reminiscing and cracking inside jokes. They weren’t even _good_ inside jokes.

It wasn’t like Charles wasn’t used to Jake having other friends. Everyone wanted to be friends with Jake, and for good reason: Jake was hilarious, and sweet, and the all-round coolest person in the world. But most of the time, Charles only saw Jake with his friends from the squad. And he was used to that, used to everyone in the inner circle being close to everyone else, and he was fine with it because everyone in the squad knew that _Charles_ was Jake’s _best_ friend.

And this couldn’t have happened at a worse time.

 

Charles had liked Jake a lot since they had started working together – because of course he did. Jake was _Jake_. He was an objectively amazing person. He had been there for Charles through his divorce, and then again through his breakup with Vivian, and he hadn’t even stayed mad when Charles had slept with his childhood best friend. And it was only then, when Charles was single but Jake was busy falling in love with Sophia, that Charles had started to think he might like Jake as something more than a friend.

It was the sort of thought that, once he had thought it, was very hard to stop thinking. He had grown more and more aware of the physical space Jake took up, of the feeling of his skin when they high-fived, of the way his eyes crinkled up when he laughed. And, just like that, Charles was hopelessly in love with his best friend.

When Sophia had broken up with Jake nothing had changed, and Charles had thrown himself into his role of supportive best friend. When Jake had come out as bisexual – by standing on a chair in the briefing room and trying to release pink, purple, and blue streamers from the ceiling – Charles had, of course, been incredibly proud of him.

‘That was cool, right?’ Jake said.

‘ _So_ cool,’ Charles said. ‘I’m so happy for you!’

But it was marred by the feeling of hopelessness that crept up him. Because if Jake liked him like that, surely he would have said something. And if he didn’t, Charles couldn’t even blame an incompatible orientation.

So he had tried to push his feelings to the side, to accept that he was never going to be more than Jake’s friend and partner. It wasn’t easy, but it was what he needed to do. He definitely wasn’t about to confess his feelings and risk losing Jake altogether.

But sometimes Jake’s knee would bump his under the table, or Jake would smile at him for just a little too long, and Charles would feel a flutter of hope again. Sometimes it felt like physical exertion not to blurt out _I really like you, let’s date_ or _I wish I could kiss you_ or _I want to feed you chocolate and shampoo your hair._

Jake hadn’t dated anyone since Sophia, and Charles hadn’t gotten involved with anyone since Gina. Instead, the two of them had been hanging out more, often without the rest of the squad. Some days they went to Shaw’s, sometimes they went out for pizza. Some days they just went to Charles’ apartment and drank beer while Charles cooked – he was trying to dial back his niche food interests and make things that Jake would actually like.

‘How do you chop vegetables so quickly?’ Jake said, one evening.

‘I’m just practised at doing things with my hands,’ said Charles, and when he glanced up he thought Jake was blushing. It was probably just the lighting. He was probably imaging things.

Once, their hands brushed as Jake handed Charles some paperwork, and Jake had laughed uncomfortably and adorably, not meeting Charles’ gaze. And maybe Charles was making things up again, but that didn’t seem like normal platonic friend behaviour. There it was again: _hope_. It was the best feeling, and the worst – the teasing possibility that Jake might have feelings for him too.

Overall, things had been good. The last thing Charles needed was someone like Stevie swooping in and stealing his best friend.

He only agreed to work with Stevie because it seemed like the alternative was Jake and Stevie working the case together and Charles being left out of it altogether. But even once it was decided, the two of them disappeared together.

‘Hey, have you seen Jake and Stevie?’ Charles asked Amy. ‘We were meant to stakeout this bar together.’

‘I thought they already left?’ Amy said.

‘Oh,’ said Charles, resentment sparking in him once again. ‘Right.’

And he went dejectedly to ace his paperwork and the old guy called Paul that he had to share his desk with. By the time Jake came back for him, Charles was tired of the whole thing.

‘You can work the case without me,’ he said. Jake was obviously more interested in hanging out with Stevie than him – so much for hope.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Jake said, sincerely. ‘Don’t be mad, okay? We need you to work this case with us. You’re way too good for Paul.’

Damnit, it was impossible to stay mad at Jake for any length of time. Charles went on the stakeout.

 

It was terrible: first Jake was insisting that they go with Stevie’s ideas, and then they didn’t find any drugs. And then they went to the suspect’s apartment, and Stevie found some drugs in the dishwasher that Charles was _sure_ hadn’t been there when he looked.

After they got back, Charles attempted to distract himself by throwing himself into his work, which led him to one specific file buried in the back of the evidence lock-up. He had been in there for ten minutes already trying to find the right box when he heard the door open.

‘I’m just saying…’ Amy’s voice suddenly filled the room. ‘Talking about your problems _helps_. I went to a Ted Talk about it.’

‘Ugh.’ That was Jake’s voice.

Charles tried to ignore them, rifling through the box for the file he was looking for.

 ‘Fine,’ said Jake. ‘But promise you won’t make fun of me.’

‘When have I ever made fun of you?’ Amy said, teasingly.

‘Seriously.’ Jake’s voice was low. ‘This is important.’

Charles was struck by the sudden feeling that he should leave, or at least step out from behind the row of shelves so that Jake and Amy knew he was there, because this didn’t sound like a conversation he should be listening in on. He was stung by a pang of jealousy to hear Jake confiding in Amy rather than him, but at least it wasn’t _Stevie_ that he was talking to.

‘Okay,’ said Amy, suddenly sounding a lot more sincere. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘Well,’ said Jake. ‘Uh. This is awkward. Should I do an accent to make it less weird? That would probably be worse, wouldn’t it?’

‘It probably would,’ Amy agreed.

‘Cool,’ said Jake. ‘Coolcoolcoolcoolcool. Well, uh. Basically I… have you ever dated someone you were already close to? Like someone you were friends with?’

And now Charles was even more certain that he should leave, but he couldn’t, somehow. His feet didn’t want to move. This was probably making him into a terrible best friend, but if he did reveal himself now then Jake would know he had overheard, and surely that would be worse. So he remained where he was, praying that his friends would leave and finish their conversation somewhere else.

‘Are you asking me out?’ teased Amy. ‘Wait, no! I’m so sorry, I’m not meant to be making fun of you!’

‘Very funny,’ said Jake.

There was a moment’s pause during which Charles tried not to breathe too loudly, before Amy said, ‘Once. In college.’

‘What happened?’ said Jake.

‘Well…’ Amy tailed off and sighed. ‘Jake, I’m not sure this is going to be what you want to hear.’

‘It’s okay, tell me,’ said Jake. ‘If you’re, uh, okay with that.’

Amy sighed again. ‘We were friends freshman year, good friends. She was my roommate, actually. And then at the beginning of sophomore year she told me that she liked me, and we dated for a while.’

‘And then what happened?’

‘We broke up. It was mutual, and we said we were going to stay friends, but it was harder than we expected. By the end of junior year we weren’t speaking.’

‘Coolcoolcool,’ said Jake. ‘I mean, not cool. I’m sorry that happened to you.’

‘It’s fine, it was a long time ago,’ Amy said. And then, ‘So… why did you ask? Do you have… feelings for a friend?’

Yeah,’ he admitted. ‘But that’s exactly what I’m scared of. I don’t wanna risk breaking up and throwing away all those years of being friends, you know?’

Charles felt nauseous suddenly, his throat tight. He was pretty sure he knew who Jake was talking about, and he was completely sure that he didn’t want to hear any more about it.

‘I get it,’ said Amy, gently.

‘Ugh,’ said Jake. ‘I just… I really like him. I might even, you know, love him? Is that crazy when we’re not even dating?’

‘I don’t think so,’ said Amy. ‘I think if you love someone as a friend, it’s easy to start loving them romantically.’

Charles wished desperately that he was somewhere else.

‘I really don’t want to screw things up,’ said Jake. ‘I don’t want to end up like you and that girl, you know?’

‘But how do you know that’s what’s going to happen?’ said Amy. ‘You might break up and actually stay friends afterwards – I know a bunch of people who are friends with their exes. Or you might not break up! Just because something happened to me doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone.’

‘I guess that’s true,’ said Jake. There was a moment’s pause; his thought process was almost audible. ‘Coolcoolcool. Maybe I should go for it? Should I?’

When Amy spoke, Charles could hear the smile in her voice. ‘I think you already know what you’re going to do.’

‘Yeah,’ said Jake. ‘I think I do. Thanks, Ames, you’re the best!’

And then there was the sound of footsteps, and the door banging shut behind Jake.

Charles remained rooted to the spot for who knew how long. To start with, he was waiting for the sounds of Amy leaving too. But even after that he couldn’t bring himself to move, Jake’s excited words playing over and over in his mind and his stomach sick with resent.

And he hated himself for feeling like this – he was being a terrible friend, he knew that – but he couldn’t stand how happy Jake had sounded at the thought of confessing his feelings to Stevie.

Because it was Stevie that he had been talking about – it wasn’t like there was anyone else it could be. It made sense: Stevie wore plaid shirts and leather jackets – Stevie was _cool_. Just the sort of person Jake was bound to end up with.

And Jake was going to tell Stevie that he had feelings for him, and then they were going to be an amazing couple, and everyone would love them, and Charles would just have to watch the whole thing and probably be the best man at their wedding.

He took the file he’d been looking for, and went dejectedly back to his desk. What was the point of work anyway? He should probably start working on his best man speech right now.

‘Hey, Charles?’ Jake stood over his desk. ‘Can I talk to you about something? It’s kind of important.’

Oh no. Jake was going to tell him about Stevie. Was he going to ask for Charles’ advice? Or were he and Stevie already together somehow, and he wanted to tell Charles all about it?

‘Sure,’ said Charles, his voice coming out an octave higher than normal.

‘Can we go somewhere private?’ said Jake.

‘Okay.’ Charles tried not to sound as dejected as he felt.

As Jake led him to a quiet room of filing cabinets, Charles started brainstorming opening lines for his best man speech in his mind. _Me and Jake have been best friends for ten years now…_

And then they were alone, and Charles steeled himself for what was about to happen.

Jake took a deep breath. ‘Charles. You and me are best friends.’

Oh no. Why was he saying that? Was he about to say that they weren’t going to be best friends anymore now that he had Stevie?

‘And…’ Jake continued. ‘I can’t imagine being best friends with anyone else. Ever.’

Oh. Hope fluttered in Charles’ chest. ‘Me neither,’ he confessed.

‘The thing is…’ said Jake. ‘Gah! This is so hard! Title of your sex tape!’

‘What?’ said Charles.

‘I’m bad at emotions,’ said Jake. ‘Title of _my_ sex tape. Probably.’

‘It’s okay,’ said Charles. He was still confused, torn between anguish and hope, but his instinct was the comfort Jake no matter what the situation is. ‘You can tell me anything, Jakey.’

‘Right,’ said Jake. ‘So, the thing is. We’re best friends. And since I realised that I was bi I started thinking, like, where’s the line between friends and more-than-friends, anyway? Like I have so much fun with you, and I can talk to you about anything, and there’s nobody I’d rather spend time with. So is the difference just boning? Because I think I sort of want to do that too. I mean, with you.’

Charles felt lightheaded. ‘What are you saying?’

‘I’m saying…’ Jake licked his lips and looked at Charles with his eyes wide and earnest. ‘I think I’m sort of in love with you.’

Charles was worried he might faint. His mind was still reeling, trying to catch up with the fact that this really was happening. ‘I thought… Stevie,’ he said.

‘What?’ Jake’s brow furrowed with confusion.

‘I thought it was Stevie you were in love with,’ said Charles. He couldn’t help laughing.

‘ _What_?’ Jake laughed too, his whole face crinkling up adorably.

‘I overheard you talking to Amy,’ Charles admitted.

‘And you thought I was talking about _Stevie_?’ Jake laughed even harder, almost fell over, and grabbed Charles by the shoulders to steady himself. ‘Is that why you’ve been acting so weird? You were jealous of him?

‘Of course I was jealous of him,’ said Charles.

‘Stevie’s just a guy I used to work with,’ Jake said. ‘The only reason I’ve been so distracted lately is that I was trying to get up the courage to talk to _you_. I didn’t know how to – you know. Do this.’

‘Really?’ Jake’s hands felt so nice on Charles’ shoulders. They were heavy and warm, the only thing grounding Charles to reality when everything else felt like a dream.

‘Yeah,’ said Jake. ‘Stevie is so irrelevant compared to you.’

And then, because he realised that he’d never actually said it back, Charles said, ‘I love you, too.’

Jake grinned with his whole face. Charles was beaming as well; he felt giddy with it.

‘So, what do we do now?’ said Jake. ‘Do we go out to dinner? Do we just start, like, passionately making out?’

‘I think…’ said Charles, raising his eyebrows suggestively, ‘you should kiss me.’

Jake dipped his head, and their lips met. Charles melted into the kiss, tilted his head up and allowed his hands to gravitate to Jake’s waist. He wanted him as close as possible.

It was like the final seal on everything they had just said, the definitive proof of Jake’s feelings. As cautious kisses turned into insistent ones, there could be no mistaking who Jake had feeling for. He moved his hands from Charles’ shoulders to cup his face, his fingers gently pressed against Charles’ cheeks and jaw and one thumb tracing deliciously over his ear. And Charles deepened the kiss and gripped Jake’s shirt; he couldn’t get enough of him.

And he was sure the going out for dinner part would happen, but right now it was time for the passionately making out part. Jake crowded him up against the filing cabinets, and the cold metal dug into Charles’ back but he didn’t mind one bit. He sighed against Jake’s mouth.

It was delicious and frantic, all wandering hands and urgent kisses. When they finally broke apart, Jake braced himself off the filing cabinet with one hand, breathing hard.

‘I am way too turned on to be at work right now,’ he said.

Charles had almost forgotten they were still at work. Even now that he remembered, all he wanted was to kiss Jake again. He wanted to take away the layers between them, to feel Jake’s body pressed against his own, to taste Jake’s mouth again.

‘Do you want to go out?’ he said. ‘After work?’

‘Definitely,’ said Jake.

 

They went to Shaw’s. Maybe it wasn’t much for a first date, but it was just the two of them – no squad, no Nine-Eight, and most of all no _Stevie_ – and that was what mattered. Their feet were touching under the table, and Jake was smiling at him like he was never going to stop. Plus, Charles was already brimming with ideas for future dates.

‘So what made you decided to tell me now?’ Charles said.

‘What?’

‘That you liked me.’

‘Oh,’ said Jake. ‘I mean, to start with I wasn’t sure if you were into dudes? And then I started thinking maybe you liked me, you know, romantic stylez, but I wasn’t _sure_. But I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I thought, screw it.’

‘I’m glad you did,’ Charles said. ‘ _So_ glad.’

Jake laughed. ‘I still can’t believe you thought I was into Stevie.’

‘Oh, yeah, I meant to tell you something,’ Charles said. He almost couldn’t believe he’d forgotten – except that if anything was going to make him forget about something important, it was _this_. ‘I think there’s something off about Stevie.’

‘What?’ said Jake. ‘You don’t need to be jealous of him anymore!’

‘I’m not!’ said Charles. ‘I mean, I was. But this isn’t about that. I think he planted the drugs – I looked in the dishwasher and it was empty.’

‘Damnit, Stevie,’ Jake hissed.

They went back to the precinct. Charles would have rather spent the rest of the evening alone with Jake, but he supposed it was the right thing to do. Thankfully Stevie was still there, and they cornered him and dragged him into a supply closet that definitely wasn’t big enough for three people.

‘I know you planted those drugs,’ Jake said. ‘Charles checked the dishwasher.’

‘Come on, man,’ said Stevie. ‘Are you really gonna take his word for it?’

‘ _Yes_ ,’ said Jake. And, somehow, that made Charles even happier than he had already been.

Stevie shoved past them to get out of the closet and made a break for it. Charles and Jake ran after him, catching  up to him in the bullpen where Jake intercepted him and brought him down.

‘Stevie Schillens,’ he said. ‘You’re under arrest for-’

And then another guy from the Nine-Eight was lunging at Jake, and Charles tackled him. The room devolved into a brawl around them, the Nine-Nine and the Nine-Eight taking their frustrations out on each other.

After that, the Nine-Eight had to leave and crash another precinct instead. The room felt gloriously empty without them.

‘I’ve gotta say,’ Jake said, as he and Charles stepped out onto the sidewalk. ‘That’s not how I expected the day to go. It turned out _uh_ -mazingly, though.’

Charles couldn’t have agreed more. ‘What happens now?’ he said.

Jake took his hand, grinning. Charles thought that maybe he could spend the rest of his life watching Jake smile at him like that. ‘Now,’ Jake said. ‘We finish our date.’

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, and thanks to the anons who sent me requests!  
> If you want more of my nonsense, you can find me @impossiblyizzy on tumblr :)  
> Izzy


End file.
